blastortoise:

I think the funniest thing that’s ever happened to me during a sexual situation was when I was giving my first boyfriend a blow job and he was like “yeah take it all choke on it” and i was already at the base of his dick and it wasn’t anywhere near the back of my throat and I like snorted from laughing, I guess he took at as me “choking” and he came and was like “fuuuck that’s so sexy” and I just came up like

image

rhoyalist:

sliceofbri:

spoken-not-written:

am i the only one who thinks people look hotter when they’re in underwear and not when they’re naked

1) its this whole “leaving it to the imagination” thing that we humans like
2) genitals are fuckin weird lookin bro
3) have you seen a limp dick it’s like a sad sea creature

A dick is only attractive at the right time, at the wrong time it can be life scarring

gracehelbig:

I tried to connect with the teens by reviewing TIGER BEAT MAGAZINE. Oh boy. 

sodamnrelatable:

I got some McDonalds and it costed $6.66 and my cashier said “oh lawd can you order some extra sauce or somtin gawd has been good to me that number is for da devil or somtin”

  • things I should be doing: reading
  • things I want to do: read
  • thing that I am putting off for no conceivable reason: reading